There is no sure way of telling whether a husband or boyfriend will beat you, but there are certain warning signs to look for. Any one of these by itself might mean little, but several of them together is bad news.
Below are a list of behaviours, traits and beliefs which are common in abusive personalities. These are commonly known as warning signs of abusive personalities .
1. Jealousy
At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say the jealousy is a sign of love. He may question you about whom you have spoken to or seen during the day, may accuse you of flirting, or be jealous of time you spend with family, friends, children or hobbies which do not include him. Jealousy is not proof of love, it is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness.
2. Talk to a potential partner about feelings
Many abusive men have difficulty expressing their feelings. Before entering into a serious relationship with someone, you should have many conversations with him in which you can evaluate his personality and determine whether he can talk to you about things that are related to feelings.
3. Hypersensitivity
Most abusers have very low self-esteem and are therefore easily insulted or upset. They may claim their feelings are ‘hurt’ when they are really angry, or take unrelated comments as personal attacks. They may view your preference for something which differs from their own as a criticism of their taste and therefore themselves.
4. Verbal Abuse
This is a fairly important warning sign and really quite easy to spot once you can tell all the little ways in which you are being verbally abused. In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, either in public or in private, this can include degrading remarks or running down any accomplishments. Often the abuser will tell you that you are ‘stupid’, ‘foolish’ or even senseless.
5. Negative attitude toward women
Some men may tell you that you are different to all the women they have known before, who display a lack of respect of women generally or who talk negatively and disrespectfully of their previous wives or girlfriends. They may tell you that you are special, not like the others and that they consider themselves to be the luckiest man alive to have found the last decent woman. It is not likely to be long before they remember that you are a woman and don’t deserve their respect.
6. Breaking or striking objects
The abusive personality may break your treasured object, beat his fists on the table or chair or throw something at or past you. Breaking your possessions has the effect of de-personalising you, denying you your individuality or literally trying to break links to your past. Only very immature or abusive people beat on objects in the presence of other people in order to threaten or intimidate them.
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